Proud Mother Defends Her Gay Son

August 25, 2007 at 8:32 am 11 comments

There is nothing quite so amazing as watching parents stand up for their kids, particularly when the kid is gay. That is definitely the reason that PFLAG always gets the loudest cheers at LGBT Pride events. Now comes an amazing letter from a Vermont mother with a gay child in response to anti-gay letters to the editor sent to newspapers in Vermont about the “homosexual menace.”

Much love to Family Pride for bringing this letter light. Find out more about Family Pride here and read their blog here.

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I’ve taken enough from you good people. I’m tired of your foolish rhetoric about the “homosexual agenda” and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called “fag” incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn’t bear to continue living any longer, that he didn’t want to be gay and that he couldn’t face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don’t know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn’t put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it’s about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won’t get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don’t know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you’d best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I’m puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that’s not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I’ll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for “true Vermonters.”

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn’t give their lives so that the “homosexual agenda” could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn’t the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can’t bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 ‘05 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about “those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing” asks: “What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?”

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?


Entry filed under: Advocacy, Family, LGBT, Religion.

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11 Comments Add your own

  • 1. greenling  |  August 25, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    Hear hear!

  • 2. David Russell  |  August 25, 2007 at 2:36 pm

    These so-called Christians seem to be forgetting the teaching of Jesus – what he said was more important than rigidly following the Old Testament: ‘love thy neighbour as thyself’. That is what being a Christian is about, not moralising.

  • 3. stacey  |  August 25, 2007 at 3:01 pm

    three cheers for the mother who wrote the letter.

  • 4. dancingmoogle  |  August 25, 2007 at 4:44 pm

    Many thanks to the mother who wrote this letter. That’s the way to go get em.

  • […] just wanted to post this blog link, as well as the letter in it here. It is very touching and I think everyone should listen to what […]

  • 6. Lady  |  August 25, 2007 at 5:30 pm


  • 7. stevelovejoy  |  August 25, 2007 at 6:49 pm

    First let me say I am a Christian. Secondly, let me say that, while I never served in the military, I have knowing worked with a number of openly gay men, lesbians, and at least a couple of trans-genders.
    I do not now, nor have I ever condemned any of them. As a christian, that is not my job-assignment. I do, however, condemn the behaviour of people claiming Christianity as their own that seem to be blaming all the ills in America today on homosexuals, and the alleged “Homosexual Agenda,” as if there were a committee somehwere sending out daily messages updating their next move.
    What the Corporate Church needs to do first is clean house. There is far too much sin INSIDE the Church for us to be addressing homosexual or heterosexual sin outside the Church.
    For those of you who may happen to be Bible readers, remember that every one of those 39 Old Testament books (aka the Tanach) and every one of those 27 New Testament books was written to believers, and all those sins listed (that is, gossiping, adultery, theft, lying, murder, robbery, fornication, etc, etc, including homosexual and hetersexual sins) were being commited by Church members.
    For those of you that happen to be gay, let me please apologize for my brothers and sisters. By way of explanation for their behavious, I can only say two things: 1) Somehow they’ve overlooked the fact that, from Genesis to Revelation (or Genesis to 2 Chronicles for Jews) we are admonished to read The Word and live by it, and that what comes out of the mouth reveals what is in the heart. 2) ‘Methinks they doth protest too much.” (OK, so I’m misquoting Shakespeare here.) The analogy might be that of a man who wears a belt and suspenders, that is, one of overcompensation.

  • 8. Paulbe  |  August 26, 2007 at 5:37 am

    Sadly, toxic American style christianity is spreading out beyond the US borders, We Australians are getting dosed more and more with loudmouthed “Pastors” with nothing useful to do but rant about invisible beings liking this one or hating that one. And like yourselves, our politicians are busting to be associated with them. I have seen religion described as the worlds only transmissible mental disease, and so far I am struggling to see why that is wrong.

  • 9. Bloggernista  |  August 26, 2007 at 7:39 am

    Its amazing that so many people fall for the holier than though, everyone is a sinner but me routine. Its been an incredibly toxic influence on our politics and culture.

  • 10. A Proud Mother. « BrokenFingernail  |  December 19, 2007 at 12:48 am

    […] 25, 2007 I just wanted to post this blog link, as well as the letter in it here. It is very touching and I think everyone should listen to what […]

  • 11. Laila  |  February 12, 2009 at 3:03 pm

    I am pretty sure suicide is a person’s own choice it is not, because somebody forced them too. A family friend commited suicide he chose to do it himself and it was selfish. Jesus said that marriage is to be between a man and woman. You obviously aren’t a christian, and it is not just the christians saying things its everyone against homosexuality so you need to get over that. So you need to stop bashing the christians, because they are right in this situation. Jesus/people love them but they do not love their sin. Aren’t you also supposed to love thy neighbor? It is nobody’s fault, but the son cause he chose this path for himself.


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