Alan Keyes Hates You and is Running for President

September 17, 2007 at 7:23 am 15 comments

Alan Keyes, the homo-hating father of a “selfish hedonist” lesbian daughter, is running for the Republican nomination for the presidency. I know, you’re like who?

Keyes is like Fred Phelps with somewhat better fashion sense and a larger vocabulary. Oh, and he is Black. Barack Obama crushed him in the 2004 Senate race. I am not quite sure why Keyes who lived in Illinois for about ten seconds even thought he had a chance in that race. He also has a lesbian daughter Maya who in his best display of Republican family values, he kicked out of the house when they were unable to pray away her gay.

For Keyes, tops on the list of the most critical issues facing America are:

1. Protecting unborn children (Of course, once the kids are born, they’re on their own to scrounge for food, shelter, education and healthcare and God forbid if their parents are gay.)

2. Protecting the sanctity of marriage (aka Stop those damn gays from marrying and living happily and homosexually ever after.)

3. Protecting national sovereignty (In other words, we have to send working class young Americans to fight them over there, so that the rich kids advocating war can sit on their butts screaming “America’s number one!” over here.)

You’ve got to wonder if GOP donors keep throwing Keyes campaign cash because he makes the other passengers in what Pam Spaulding calls the “Republican clown car” seem sane.

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Entry filed under: 2008 Election, Alan Keyes, Campaigns, Conservatives, LGBT, Politics, Republicans.

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15 Comments Add your own

  • 1. jweaver  |  September 17, 2007 at 7:44 am

    This is great news. Thanks for the info. I love Alan Keyes.

    Reply
  • 2. fitnessfortheoccasion  |  September 17, 2007 at 3:29 pm

    I don’t know. Next to Ron Paul and Brownback, I’d say he fits in with the crowd.
    But yeah, to some extent? He’s a bit of a human overton window strategy for the Republican party.

    I love the title to this post, by the way.
    I can’t wait to see him in the debates.

    Reply
  • 3. Bloggernista  |  September 18, 2007 at 8:19 am

    It should be fun watching them try to appear right-wing enough to capture the party’s base.

    Reply
  • 4. fitnessfortheoccasion  |  September 18, 2007 at 11:44 am

    Maybe there is no base to begin with. I’ve often wondered about the myth of “playing to the base”, and the idea that there is this large rabidly Christianist Republican loyalist group of Americans. I think much of the “base” is closer to what sane people might call a conservative moderate.

    Reply
  • 5. fitnessfortheoccasion  |  September 18, 2007 at 11:45 am

    With a few very notable exceptions (ie “we hate jews, muslism, gays and immigrants).

    Reply
  • 6. Lyndon  |  September 18, 2007 at 11:39 pm

    Oh yeah, this idiot has run before. I put him in the same class of idiom as Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. The only difference between him and a white bigot is he can get away with using the “N” word.

    Reply
  • 7. Bloggernista  |  September 19, 2007 at 12:19 am

    Keyes is nothing like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. Keyes is a complete joke. Jackson and Sharpton have done some good things in their careers.

    Reply
  • […] Alan Keyes Hates You and is Running for President ” Bloggernista … GOP donors keep throwing Keyes campaign cash because he makes … under: 2008 Election, Alan Keyes, Campaigns, Conservatives, LGBT, Politics, Republicans ” … Official Keyes Campaign Site […]

    Reply
  • […] Alan Keyes Hates You and is Running for President ” Bloggernista … if GOP donors keep throwing Keyes campaign cash because he makes the other … 2008 Election, Alan Keyes, Campaigns, Conservatives, LGBT, Politics, Republicans ” … Official Keyes Campaign Site […]

    Reply
  • 10. JOHN  |  September 24, 2008 at 10:59 am

    ALAN KEYES IS A GREAT CHRISTIAN HERO.

    Reply
  • 11. Tommy  |  September 24, 2008 at 11:28 pm

    Here’s a surprise, a black man that Bloggernista throws under the bus simply because Keyes and nista have differing views. Funny how blacks scream, “Black Power” until they disagree with the person with differing views and then scream out, “Shut up N-gger.”

    Reply
  • 12. Webster  |  September 25, 2008 at 9:21 am

    Oh, please. Alan Keyes is black in skin only. He’s the reincarnation of Strom Thurmond–only more stupid. What a fool you are.

    Reply
  • 13. Tommy  |  September 25, 2008 at 5:39 pm

    So then you admit exactly what I just said,

    …Alan Keyes is black in skin only…

    You seem to be the fool as you successfully demonstrated what I had written. Thank you for proving you are the fool.

    Reply
  • 14. Webster  |  September 25, 2008 at 11:54 pm

    If you have a point–aside from the one on your head, Tommy, you really ought to state it.

    Reply
  • 15. Tommy  |  September 26, 2008 at 6:56 am

    Unbelievable. You really are a weak-minded Lib???? Wow, you weally, weally, (sniff) (sniff) hurt my feelings.

    Don’t you feel empowered now? LOL

    Reply

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